I carefully prepared for the New Year, I planned everything. I thought out dishes, an image, and gifts, but … I have a small child, a year and eight months, who recently went to the kindergarten and, of course, picked up the infection. In general, I got sick. I was preparing for the holiday, and looked after the baby, so at some point I was tired. And it so happened that on December 31, while my husband was at work, and the eldest son helped with the child, I looked at the neighbors with congratulations and went through a little with alcohol.
Although having gained hard, I still conducted festive training and looked after the baby – I gave him medicines and cleaned it when he spit from high temperature. When my husband returned home and saw what condition I was in, I began to swear a lot. I do not remember this moment very well, but his accusations, that I am a bad mother and I don’t look after the child, that I ruined the holiday for everyone, that I was irresponsible rubbish, crashed into memory.
It seems to me that this is very offensive. Yes, I got drunk, did not calculate my strength. But he knew very well how I try: I would take the child to the kindergarten and run home, do not sleep and rest, but dress up, wash, cook, clean up … At the same time, he did not help me in any way, but simply waited for the holiday. I understand perfectly well that he was tired after work, wanted to relax, but then his wife is no longer knitting and the younger son is sick. But still, this is not such a tragedy to insult me like that.
Yes, I’m to blame! I myself dreamed of meeting the holiday not with a scandal, but at the table and with gifts, but it really happened. Now I constantly think about it and I just can’t overcome guilt before my family. I also feel disgust for my husband, although we made peace and asked for forgiveness from each other. Tell me what to do?
Ekaterina, 37 years old
Catherine, the situation that occurred is annoyed and very offensive. Big expectations often make us first worry about the upcoming event, and then, alas, disappointed. Well, when we are disappointed, we are always looking for guilty.
Why do people accuse and are offended? Because they did not get what they wanted. Because the other person behaved differently from him expected. Then there are negative emotions that cause offensive statements and punishment.
In your case, this is exactly what happened: everyone was waiting for the holiday, but it did not happen. And if the expectations were not so great
, then there would be less disappointment, and you would not have such a huge feeling of guilt.
Now it is very important for you to understand that your role for husband and children is much more than organizing a holiday. Your value is in love and care that you give to each family member. And you continue to do this, no matter what, is it true?
Everyone can stumble, and at the most unexpected moment. And close people are therefore close to those that are able to accept these things and leave in the past. By the way, this applies not only to your enforcement with alcohol, but also to the offensive words that your husband spoke to you about this. Here everyone must find the strength to accept the behavior of another and live on, without returning each time to what happened. Love to you and patience!